Silence, this little book eat it up, you can’t hear this.

Communication, its lack, and miscommunication, plague people who won’t learn to be uncomfortable.

One of the hardest things for people learning the witches triangle is silence.

Then there is cast not pearls to swine.

And in many cases, all the words in the world will never help someone to understand something when they don’t have a common frame of reference.

Spiritual societies, initiatory traditions, and coming of age type of rituals, are designed to impart what is ineffable.   But once  experienced, the brotherhood now has a common frame of reference where the nuances of each other’s experiences can be understood.

People have a need to be accepted by others, and too often when they speak they parrot back their cultural programming, expecting to hear it from everyone around them.     This indicates whether or not you are part of that group.

Some people have a need to be right.  They can be all sorts of wrong, but the identity of self with their world view  is so strong, their ego can’t handle any other information, facts or ways of looking at things.

This is an addiction.

An excellent article came out a while ago describing addiction  as an addiction to a perception of self.    Granted  chemical addiction is horrible, mind altering, and a detriment to a person’s health.      If a person gets  free of the effects of the drug, the physical addiction, they still have a psychological addiction.     Why is that?    The metabolism that a person has had as an addict, they have learned how to function as a functional addict, accessing memories and behavioral faculties.     Without the chemical crutch, the metabolism  necessary to achieve  the state of mind where all of one’s memories and faculties isn’t available.     This is an addiction to one’s sense of self.    Behavioral addiction of expecting to light up a cigarette or smoke on queue from situations, is a matter of breaking habits.     But the metabolism  and feelings, where one is at their peak efficiency of being themselves is off.            In other words, people’s proficiencies are at a peak with their metabolism establish by drugs of choice.

This feeling and self assessment of how we function is a consciousness of and the feelings of knowing and being comfortable with who you are.  This makes them feel comfortable.   Not being yourself, you are not comfortable.   This theory of addiction to self, with chemical addictions is called state dependent behavior.  Our behaviors are based on the metabolic dependent state where we know and control our behaviors.   Our behaviors confirm a comfort of what we are use to.  This is ego, and the support of that ego is Maya.

So how does “State Dependent Behavior” affect the average person.           People have 7 – 12 standard sets of emotions, give or take.   Each emotional state is like an operating system where they access memories and their faculties/programming.       Each emotion is its own operating system.    People may share memories between these operating systems or metabolic states that represent in person a feeling.             Memories may have been shared, and faculties and reasoning may be shared  between these metabolisms, if a person is coherent.     Incoherent people, may have inconsistent emotions, memories and faculties from one emotional state to another.     Either way they are addicted to their sense and awareness of  the flow of feelings and information, in a comfort of who they are regardless of what they are feeling.    Consciousness is less about awareness it is about the feeling of connectedness  of the various aspects of self, throughout any of their accepted emotions.              People can be addicted to being miserable.   They are comfortable with who they are and can function in that state.     They are addicted to their state dependent behaviors.    This is ego and its support is Maya.    Chemical addicts, have a chemical that just skews this emotional baseline.  It is still the same.

It is this idea of self, ego, and sense of comfort of knowing who one is by the feelings and reaction to information and the world around them,  is an addiction.      There are  people who more adaptable to being uncomfortable and embracing the feelings of others through empathy, relearning to access memories and faculties from a different metabolism.

Case in point, I am a member of Toastmasters.   One of our member’s project she chose was what to do about about bullying.          I have been bullied a lot in school, and in many ways since.   I being a white male, don’t look like I should be at the receiving end of bullying.   If you work in America, you experienced varying degrees of it.     I spoke about it, and have very well thought out views on what to do, what steps needed to change the culture, etc. and responding to people whose responses were to much like victim blaming, and rape culture mentality.   I was emotional.     From every member from a disenfranchised  group, they liked what I had to say, and enjoyed the passion or emotions I brought to speaking.         The white male  conservative, told me flat out I needed to calm down, that I was being too emotional.

Social Privilege expects to be comfortable.    In this case it was a white conservative male.   A previous democratic presidential candidate Howard Dean in celebrating a victory made a guttural  “Arrrr”.    Subsequent primaries he was canned, panned and turned out for being outwardly emotional.               Many studies in the United States, leaders were people that people could feel emotionally safe.               In this past election of 45, it was someone played  on reflecting the emotions, of a segment of society, where they could feel themselves reflected in this now president.    Two edges of the same sword, taking advantage of people’s own addiction to the comfort of themselves.

I have always been the odd man out.  I was too smart as a child,  too big, too active, too intellectual.   I was a child.  I was not listened to.   Whether I was being bullied, telling the truth, or just trying to explain  the bullying I was receiving.   I couldn’t be related to.  I made people uncomfortable.   It was easier to not believe me.        I got older,  my opinions and views didn’t matter because I was a white male,   not a father, not old enough, not from this clique, this group or banter sports, cars or sexual exploits.   I did not fit and no matter what I said, how I said it, I didn’t fit.   I made people uncomfortable.    Fortunately in IT  being odd, and intelligent I had a better purchase on this playing field.    However, I was not, testosterone poisoned emotional misfit, where most relearn their social queues in a stunted brain, in a more juvenile construct of society, where I had to learn to suck up to the chief troglodyte of any other group.         A repeated rendition of the same level of institutional abuse in a new venue.

What I found out sadly disenfranchised groups of people, if deprived of social conditioning in their teen years,  develop it in their disenfranchised niche, and repeat the same high school level of unsophisticated control and manipulation.   Along with the learned behaviors of sociopaths and narcissists that they have been victimised from.

Victims who work toward being empowered, get  to be victims again or trusted sycophants and enablers.    The new abusers learn to be experts at their new social venue.             And some of the  repeat victims learn to fight back.

Those who fight abuse, end up reflecting some of the characteristics of abusers.   There is a fine line where victims either learn to stay victims, become abusers themselves or “counter-dependents”      Counter-dependence was  described in another psychological journal.  People fight not to be victims, and standing up for victims, have traits that  look like the unsophisticated abusers of the past.     So they are dismissed and victimized yet again at whole new level.

Silence and retreat is left for those who won’t fit in the template of society, abuser or victim.   Silence and retreat, is left for those who learn to be uncomfortable and learn to hold on to truth regardless of the situation.  They certainly were never accepted to be part of a cultural milieu to reinforce  comfortable rationalizations, true or not, of ways of being, thinking and information fit for that groups survival.         In other words, truth isn’t necessary.  As long as the  information used between the group that created the effecting controls of reality to keep them alive, truth is irrelevant.  Another scientific study showing people use information fit for survival.

I am a pagan,  in the late 70’s and 80’s, being a white male was an anathema for all those who were fighting the male patriarchy.     Not that I was, I fit the symbols and handles.   30 years later, I got to a ecumenical convention for pagans, the experiences spiritually and studies I have had,  there was a consensus amongst the elders of many traditions, I was elder in my own right.  These were special interfaith pagan elders, most of them.

A convention I was at last month, again, reinforced that I need to be silent and retreat.     I see warm loving people who are all about love, light and liberty.    Their approach is to educate, love and share to bridge the gaps in groups and in humanity.        I don’t have that this implicit or explicit viewpoint.  It works to degrees where people want to grow and change.     If any of what I wrote above has impressed on you, and made painfully aware to me, a vast majority of people are unwilling and incapable of changing.  They will fight to retain their comfort, their privileged positions.    The level of empathy only extends to those closer to them than anyone outside of their comfort level.             Even disenfranchised people, people who are liberal empathic, loving and caring, they can’t see how I can be hard, speak hard and want people to survive the evils that exist and are yet to come.

One third of the United States voted for, and maintain an affiliation with people who hate.   They choose philosophies that are devoid of empathy for any living being or people other than themselves and their own.   They have betrayed the constitution, their faiths in Christianity, and lock step with the goose stepping fascist of this country and pre World War II Germany.      I lived in an exit community in the suburbs.   People fighting to get out of the ghettos, and those through  their unfitness for society or bad luck were falling back into ghettos.      My neighborhood had 2 drug gangs based on age, and prostitute house mismanaged by the neighborhood girls all who were under 18.    I survived them and their parents who were sociopaths, addicts and narcissists.    I can recognize these type of people in all sectors of society.   I work very hard not to be a victim.

The one thing I know for sure, sociopaths and psychopaths, don’t have empathy.   They never apologize and they never can change.   The only time they apologize is when they see a threat of pain, discomfort or death.  Then it is a convenient lie to get to the next game.          They can only be managed by a constant threat of pain, or death.       This is a cold hard fact that makes everyone uncomfortable.       People can’t imagine that is true, and the abusers will go out of their way to get enablers  to act against anyone who tells the truth and can see them for what they are.

Now people may be victimized by these individuals on rare occasions.    Rape culture, sealioning, gas lighting, perpetuates a victimology.      For others, it is so outside of their comfort level to recognize this evil in other people.           It is easier to believe the liar and abuser than the victim.

I went to a pagan gathering.  I tried to explain that the growing threat in our country of embolden sociopaths, that we need to be prepared.   Love and light, and you are out and don’t fit.   My language is too hard.   And,  “who hurt you”.    Now at first, I thought that this is a legitimate thing to think of that  a person has been so unlucky to be in the minds of being so hard and adamant.      Okay, this is true.   But I don’t deny, education, love, empathy and any means and methods to make bridges and establish communication between people.   The Pagan communities are just starting to do this more than ever.    The past 30 – 40 years, ego, and control of ones own empowerment, dealing all of the low level abusers, and cleaning them out of the community,  there is this light, love and sense of maturity.     Good, they have earned it.

Silence and retreat.      “Who Hurt You”, not only  made plain I was on the outside again, it presented me as a damaged person to the group and made what ever truth or value I had to offer null and void.                Next verse same as the first.  Silence and retreat.

My teacher called me a “white hat”.    Everyone else was shopkeepers.      We aren’t in the old west, and it isn’t evident to these good folk of the town, what it takes to protect them from the “black hats”.      They may invite a white hat to dinner, but they will never be part of their social group or invited to play pinochle.      A White Hat has to love these shopkeepers and what they stand for.  But what shopkeepers see is  someone harder, faster and meaner than the black hats, no matter how kind and caring they are in town.

The West African stories of the Oriesha and Loa from Ile’ Ifa or Voodou, don’t speak to this.    All of the Oriesha and Loa fit the village except one or three.    Ile’ Ifa or Voodou is a religion and its magic is supernatural dealing with these venerate ancestors and the supreme being Oludumare.            The one who doesn’t fit is Ochossi.  Ochossi is called the king of the witches.  Witches are hated, they don’t venerate or work with the Loa or Oriesha.   Their magic deals with power,  the dead and power of the land.     Usually they act selfishly because they are on the fringe of society.    The African beliefs encouraged community, working with each other, in their beliefs, divination systems and stories.     It took Abrahamic religions to destroy that.

All of the Oriesha and Loa have “roads”  lessons to be learned or paths, that reflect in their adherents lives who have the influence or head of the Loa or Oriesha.    The one Exception is Ochossi.  His roads are hidden.      He is respected by the old King Obatala or Damballah.  But he is still not part of the village unless called upon to serve justice.  He is part of the woods, and his other function is to find new places for new villages.

There comes a time when the old villages die or get murdered  or the people destroy themselves.    Ochossi helps them build that new village.  Obatala is the new king for a short time and put to pasture.

He has experiences and insights that the village people will not and can not hear.  They have no common frame of reference.   The religion, and the Oriesha and Loa fit in the standard sets of emotions and experience expected out of a community and a culture.    They make things comfortable.         Ochossi  isn’t allowed to feel comfortable.    Thanks for having me as fifth wheel, I’ll go back to the woods, again.  Silence and retreat.

There is one story that is hidden, that I learned.       It is a side story for when the world was new, and the souls of the dead were wandering around,  It was getting to be noisy and unhealthy for the living and the Oriesha and Loa.     Yemaya  the mother of the Loa and Oriesha was tasked of managing the souls.  They are said to become  fish.  In other stories the fish went to the horizon and became stars, and returned to the earth to be reincarnated.         The Sub-Saharan pre-Sumerian script that has elements going all the way across Asia the symbol for fish and star were very similar.   It shows up in Egyptian cosmology and motifs.           For this to happen, the Oriesha and Loa had to accept the touch of Iku or Death.                Here is the hidden story,  Ochossi chose to touch death or Iku himself.            Ode was a hunter who had no name who loved Yemaya in some stories that bore the Oriesha.    Ochossi was an ode, a hunter.  His son, Er-Inle was a hunter and fisherman.   Oshun didn’t keep her son, when Chango was around.     Ode knew old magic, and old truth.  He was one with the forest and the trees.    Where did Iroko come from?  Who did he learn what he taught Orunmila/Orunla?    Ochossi had his magics.    Er-Inle learned the ancient magics of Yemaya, and his tongue was cut out.  He went to live in the swamp, a place for outcasts, with another Snake Oriesha/Loa Abata.

They can not teach people the truth, the magics, or their insights.  They have carried it from lifetime to lifetime.    Iku was an old old friend.  Embracing Iku, they would find themselves as themselves in the next lifetime, under new circumstances.             It is the hunter that helps build the new village, establishes its justice, and protects it from the bad influences.   He is a leader for a very short while.    He returns to the home that loves him and embraces him, the universe.  He can travel back and forth from Obatala and Oludumare.  Elegua knows of his travels, but hasn’t lived his experiences.

I can not speak the truth that people are not ready to learn to live with.     We have to be there to build what is no more.  Repair what no one thinks to fix.  To work old and ancient magics that none are prepared to deal with.   Self Sacrifice and embrace Iku, to make it work.    The story of Aslan in Narnia, he knew of the deeper magic, that the ice queen didn’t.  Self sacrifice brought him back to life.

This is why the roads are hidden.  Not because they can’t be learned or experienced.  It is because most people even spiritual ones are not prepared to do the sacrifices of the self to learn this path of ordeals and trials.

I freely chose this.   Silence and retreat, is not my nature, but it is required, when you are not accepted in the village, even though you love the people and are willing to fight the evils that they can’t conceive of.

John here is this little book, eat it up, tarry till I come.     Occasionally a rogue star will pulls stars to a new constellation.    Heaven and Earth shall roll away, and a new Heaven and Earth shall unfold.  Many mysteries.  Each ineffable.   Spoken and unheard are true nevertheless.

There will come a time  where people will have to trust people who traversed hells and survived it versus the people who drag people into a hell and leave them there.

How to know yourself and preparation of managing of being uncomfortable.

How to develop skills to deal with being uncomfortable. 

Side note:   The apocalypse,  when will it come?  It will come as a thief in the night.

This biblical sidebar exemplifies the blindness and absolute complicitness of this age, the people of the United States, it’s Christians who pray and actively work toward the nihilism of the end of times.  They have brought it upon themselves and are the very evil agents that have engendered it through their nascience.

Ancient numerology, Greek and Hebrew, do not reveal it.   It is only revealed in modern numerology, that  same number of the Sun 666.     The beast is known as 666, is a thief in the night, a FOX.     F = 6, O = 6 + 9 (remove the nines), and X = 6 + 9 + 9 (remove the nines) is 666.    The whore of Babylon is known by the same number  her name is Alec.  ALEC;  (A = 1) + (E = 5) = 6; (L = 3) + (C = 3) = 6.     Modern numerology of a name takes the vowels and consonants separately.       Together it adds up to a 3.   Where is the last 6?   ALEC    is short for American Legislative Exchange Council which reduces to a 33  or a 6.     Blind and complicit in its creation.

The Sun whose number is 666 was a metaphor for the Golden Emperor Constantine.  The off gold 45 and love of gold, is but a servant.

Not speaking for the OTO and being a Thelemite,  Babalon vs Babylon, and Baphomet are not of this biblical currents and metaphors.    Like the yin yang symbol there is always a seed of the opposite embedded in a time and a place.   Will it flower fully, only to those who keep the secret.  What secret,  ones that are published openly.   Again the truth is there.   Psalms 82  …. know ye not ye are gods….       and in the NT, you can become brothers and sisters of Christ.   Not his children, but full siblings.  There is no part of me that is not of the Gods.

I love this country, I served as a Marine, I do not love the government.  The constitution was flawed and had the opportunity to be amended to fulfill its charter for Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness.     Rome died.  Various iterations of France’s revolutions died.  Monarchies come and go. Greece who created the first Democratic experiment, died.    Evolution comes with growing pains.   And the old must give way to the new.  The Brave and the Free will hold on to what this country was meant to be, while the rest, abandon Life, Love and Liberty, who are traitors and will succumb to their nihilism.    May the Brave and the Free who hold sacred, Life, Love and Liberty survive to restore a people to a land to do what is right and good.

As a spiritual person, I don’t believe, I pursue to know.      I do have one irrational belief.  I believe in the inherent goodness of mankind.    Sometimes I am justified in this belief, other times I am severely disappointed.    This belief is not what one  expects to exist, it is a belief as a prayer and internal work of Love to desire it to exist.            In this hard exterior, is Love.  That appears to be hidden and unseen except by those who share in the path and the work.      The proof shall be in the work and its success.

Life, Love and Truth in harmony begets integrity.   That is one half of the seed.

 

 

 

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When Spiritual Bypassing Meets Racism Meets Gaslighting

Coming to the Dark of the year, This Article is exceptionally important. The belief in light love and goodness and the law of attraction to minimize the actual horrors that women, people of color or any one else experiences to do victim blaming is hideous.

People are not easily categorized or pigeon holed, to make your dealing of ones life by simple handles. Life is messy, expressing real love and concern is messier still.

Roll up your sleeves and wallow in life with me. Life, love and liberty are ours only if we make sure everyone has it.

Wake Up, Mama!

StockSnap_E3NYYLVBWM Photo credit: StockSnap. Description: Woman with eyes closed and shadow across face.

I want to talk about something I witnessed last week in the online world.

First, a little background. A couple of years ago, I became increasingly aware of a pervasive phenomenon in the (overwhelmingly white) women’s spirituality/ personal growth circles I move in. I noticed persistent attempts to deny and disown painful realities by insistence (overt or implied) that we create our struggles with our negative thinking or energy or low vibration or fill-in-the-blank. I do believe the way we frame things in our thinking can be important to our well being and success, up to a point. I do believe we have some authentic choice around where we place our focus, and those choices can impact our well being and success, up to a point. However, I found the blanket application and oversimplification of these ideas to…

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A good man

A good man.

When society has lost family or the family is dysfunctional and there is no wisdom nor models to be successful, at what the past generations done, and can see the changes in the future. When there is no community, but neighbors and family scrambling after every last dime, then spend it to entertain themselves, because there is no future, no other sense but the gratifying of the self, there is no man or woman or child that knows good. When people who steal, cajole, trick and lie into being comfortable and buy the hangers on that keep him company, believing money can buy loyalty, and then enjoy when they fall due to hubris and mistakes. There is no hero to be supported, to learn from, to survive in spite of it all.

Integrity is when a man knows himself and the world as it is and should be and lives it. Then that is not just another male of the species, that is a Man. If a woman does the same and has integrity she is a woman. We are a social species. The success of our children, our future, and others depends on each other. When we can not identify with baker, the mother, the mechanic, the grocer, the doctor or the warrior, we don’t value them, nor ourselves. And honest good man and woman, recognize that they are not islands, they are part of a community. And it is that community that existed once, exists or even harder must exist in the future, is what one lives and dies for, for in it, do we not add to our soul, and to the collective memory and a spirit of the people.

And only in a community that supports each other can any of us survive. A good man or woman who is undervalued and underappreciated, there is no support or good found towards anyone in the community. The following of celebrities is a thing it is empty and hollow as hollow as they are. Otherwise they tear each other down. The mob ruled by parasites neither are people, they have with the lack of integrity stealing the spirit of others have carved their souls to nothing and are but the living dead. Integrity builds the soul, with or without a community, it comes from an honest relationship if not in community and kindred, but at least with the universe, that knows the truth of these individuals.

An honorable man keeps their honor shiny, it is the onus of obligation to oneself, their past and the future, it is the same root word to shine or to meet and obligation in Japan known as “on”, and it means to shine one’s sword. Honor, onus, on, my sword, my soul, integrity to shine for the past, the present and the future. This whether appreciated or not, to at least if nothing else, a caretaker of my soul, working for my childrens future, a community that I can reincarnate in, so may it be.

Find that Spark in Darkness

Lo, in the darkness, with no love, light, support, nor a single shred where the world would acknowledge my existence.

Shrouded by that which could not love, nor pity, nor do what is right.

There when in the pain of the desire of oblivion, not just death, I embraced, there was darkness. And then my soul, from right, frith, and will, with its integrity, the universe showed me who or what I am. The universe and nor that which enshadowed me, could grant me my wish. I exist, and the universe nor the gods can touch me. And in that, I saw my immortality.

In that anyone with integrity adds to this flame of adamantium. Where those live the lie, faithless, feckless and desiring of no communion with others except their own pleasure extinguish their precious self, one sliver of a time. I weep not for them, nor do I take joy in watching the walking dead.

I weep for those whose life was extinguished before they could fulfill their potential.

Find your light guard it and enshrine it with your integrity, it will shine in the light, even if its obscured ephemeral willowisps of time.

Shine throughout time.

LHP, RHP paths, roads, light, dark

Good Vs Evil 1

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Good Vs Evil 2

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Good VS Evil 3?

Which relationship of evil do you envision?  None of the Above?

LHP and RHP, Left Hand Path and Right Hand Path  two concepts that have been bantered, chewed, and fought over because they have been conflated and mixed into other concepts.

In different magical traditions LHP and RHP mean different things.

The underlying concepts of Light, Dark, Good, Bad, Evil, Heaven, Hell, Overworld, and Underworld all have mixed  and overlapping meanings, that further confuse the meanings of these LHP and RHP.  The discussions of all these things have been overdone, to death, in various magical and spiritual forums.     The added dimensions of Morales and Ethics is another.     Philosophically consequences are heavily steeped to the nature and practice of each tradition.

Good vs. Bad

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Good and Bad are valuations. They are relative to each person and how they value their life and all other things.    Relatively Good and Bad are as normal and different from one being to another.         As Morticia Addams says “Normal is an illusion”.            Many folk form Wiccan, other Earth based, or Pagan belief systems, look at Birth, Life and Death, the cycle of life as neither good nor bad.  It is.      As far as Evil goes, some don’t believe in it.

Heaven and Hell   versus  Overworld and Underworld,  not necessarily the same thing.      For most people the distinction is a philosophical one.    Heaven, sumerland, the here-after of what ever place is a matter of belief.    And for others Hell is a matter of belief based on the Divine supernatural order  by the pantheon, gods and cultural expectations.    The valuation is based on belief.       Shaman, Mystics and others who travel these realms,  may attribute  one or the other as an overworld or an underworld.   The Natural spiritual planes have underworlds and overworlds.   They may or may not overlap  with the Heavens and Hells of their beliefs.     Not all underworlds are based on evil.    They are based on spiritual dynamics of spirit.       Spirit that  are artifacts of time, or where time collapses, this is your underworld.     Where things are replicated duplicate and exist through time, is your overworld.        The dynamic of worship of a being,  an affinity with practices, places  and events through time give a sense of immortality.        Shamanically, technically it appears brighter.   Underworlds  appear darker.   There are underworlds where the sun is out all the time and still isn’t as bright as an overworld.  And there are overworlds based on the moon,  and night where they are considerably darker.      Light and dark became and is another  subjective valuation.   Granted  primitive man, living amongst predators that hunt at night, is a bad thing, not evil.    There are realms where underworld and overworld elements are mixed.     The beings  that live in such places,  fae, gods and everything in between are just as capricious as humans, good bad and indifferent.

It is here that darkness and the mystical perception of it, albeit colored by ancestors concerns come into play.      In the overworld and underworld dynamic that comes into play with Heavens and Hells,    good and healthy practices, that met with  and are judged worthy and good by gods,  this implies a life beyond death.  An acceptance into a realm of relatively more light, and adjudged good, by the gods and your society makes it a personal good.     Here ethics  are applied based on the morales and stipulations of the divine.    Ethics  are a shared based set of good behaviors for a society, and when there is a religion, implies that they should be part of one’s morales.        Infernal creatures of the underworld hells, exist only in the sense that they are perpetuated by the  constant bad behaviors that exist through time, taboos, and sins (behaviors against the ethical moraes and dictates of the culture and religion that one is bound to)   the aspects of spirit   that don’t exist through time  suffer through a backdrop of change and chaos, where only nature  that overlaps it in any detail is the only structure left.       Over time and ever deeper levels of hell the maelstrom of unstructured time eats away the last remnants of that which is not part of structured and timeless events, places, beings and things.             In the natural planes of overworld and underworld there is no Evil.   Just  is.   The subjective bad valuations are only as consistent with what ceases to exist and our relationships with it.

The supernatural existence of underworlds as hells, go contrary to the religion, beings, places and things.   And infernal creatures that exist do so under the auspices of people, places and things, maintain that which contradicts the heavenly order.    With people and beings involved this gets sticky and messy.  The convolutions in the relative valuations, and the actual  value of these  religious ordering of the spiritual world, lives and dies, also.  Many Abrahamic beliefs conflate their supernatural order as perfect good and everlasting.

The concept of a perfect good and everlasting was introduced by Greek Philosophers and by an aberration of beliefs that the Zoroastrians created.     The Greeks believed in Ideals.   Idealized perfect good with the natural world was what one who wish to strive to be perfect would strive for.           The Zoroastrians took two  God concepts  of  Enlil and Enki from Sumeria and the Akkadians,   and turned them into   Ahura Mazda and Angra Mainyu or Ahriman.    Enki, like Erebus of the Greeks, were deep underworld beings, that were more associated with water, the source of life.    Hades was not a primordial  but represented the current God’s (Zeus) vision of the afterlife for people.      Many of the ancient people didn’t really conceive of an afterlife.   Much less being able to be associated with the Gods unless they made you a divine being.       The Zoroastrians  created a myth about Enlil’s Father Anu who from Earth gave birth to two sons.    Ahura Mazda was born first and created everything.   Ahriman was born second, and there was not one place in the universe for Ahriman to create anything.     This is a far cry from the predecessor beliefs.   This  was an absolute creation, and jealousy that wants to destroy creation to create its own.    Here lies the first dichotomy, where Evil takes its entrance into the psyche of mankind.     The idea that there are forces that are willing to destroy what exists.  All of it, good, bad and indifferent, along with the hells, heavens and all else.   So it may create.            Evil the antithesis of life took and shaped how we viewed the world.     This concept of truth ‘ashe’  was what kept the world in order.   Druj the lie, is what was done to destroy the world and all of life.    This absolute concept of Evil took the concept of bad and Idealized it.

These concepts were absorbed into the Abrahamic beliefs.  When Persia  conquered Babylon,  and freed the Jews, their belief constructs were brought with them and infused the Judean practices.        The minor  being that was called the advocate, a fallen Angel, that was there to test  faith and belief of the Hebrew god, was promoted in various mythologies.    Shaitin  is cognate with Sais and egyption god of fate.     Tampering with the destinies and almost a mythic undercurrent of free will to be exorcised in creation, involving mankind, obviously.

Lets mix this up a bit.    The Akkadian and Sumerian  beliefs got mixed in with the Assyrians.      These gods, including Ahura Mazda, and the Hebrew Yahweh were called Ashuras.    Ahriman and all the primitive beings under his thrall were called Devi’s.   This is where the term devil comes from.    Ashura  is cognate with Asura or those beings that are not Sun Gods in pre-Brahmanic faiths of India.  The story has two sibling clans  Devis and Ashuras.  The Devis are the class of Gods that are worshipped today in India along with Suryas, Yakshas (some of them, there are demon classes there also) and the Asuras  (The Jealous Gods) were on the outs.        God in the Old Testament says of Himself that He is a Jealous God.

Technically Ahriman isn’t a Devi.   However this is the name construct given to him and the spirits he controls.   (If he couldn’t create them he had to seduce them).

The Zoroastrians made very vivid pictures of Heaven and Hell.  Heaven based on the planets, and Hells based on their sins against the Morals and Ethics of the culture.     How much of this is made up to scare people into being controlled, and what hells were manifested because of belief, probably both.     This too influenced the Greeks, the Jews and the rest the world’s religions coming from the middle east.

Demon comes from the Greek word Daemon, a spirit, usually connected with a place, or a set of behaviors and practices.    This is not a soul of a being, but a functioning spirit.   The discussion between soul and spirit is a separate discussion.    My previous article speaks to that.

Now where the “Devil” by any other name, and other beliefs, practices and religions,  where the Devil was an advocate for humans.   Encouraging them to become god like and not just abject slave to service the Gods, this was not what the gods wanted.      Whether it was the Devil or Prometheus,   or any supernatural being that descended to encourage people is where the devil becomes an anti-hero.       The creators of humans are either good or bad, indifferent, but people were expected to toe the line.     The advocate for humans depending on the religion was either a good or bad guy.

 

Right hand of God, the Right Hand Path,  that was one way of looking at defining RHP.   Hands in general were sacred.    There were two places I know of  that speak of LHP vs RHP in history.     Vedic Yoga practices  speak of liberation or Moksha and separation from all attachment and becoming one with God was considered RHP.      The LHP practice was called Tantric.    This was not about committing all sorts of evil atrocities.     The idea was that people who had to deal with life and could not be monastic and deal with a total detachment from the world, had to learn detachment by doing the everyday things.     Some have taken it to mean doing all of the taboos.       In the end, good, bad and indifferent were just part of life.    If one learned to become indifferent to it all, emotionally and spiritually detached,  the illusion of life could fall away, the same as it was for those living in monasteries who became detached directly.  Because  some schools practiced taboos, and in the light of western observers, these practices were offensive, the label of evil was attached.     The other concept of LHP was that of being an illegitimate child.     Children that were heirs were from the Right Hand.     Children of the left hand were illegitimate.  They were bar sinister (sinister for left).   Bastards by any other name had it rough and had to work harder than their half brothers and sisters who claimed inheritance.  This social drama and the term sinister made left handedness and the concept of the Left Hand unpalatable.

Here we are in post Renaissance Europe with all of these concepts, already muddied by two millennia re-interpretations and misinterpretations.

Metaphysical practices and magic where people  worked with the children of God (Angels) to become children  of God being legitimate heirs to heaven,  the Right Hand Path is defined.           Left Hand Path, magicians who by their prowess ascending in their adepthood as being counterparts to their Angelic peers, could control demons.       Demons dealt with, in theory, the day in and day out functions of life, along with evil aspects of man.  LHP of working with demons and taboo energy, essentially they have to be in control of it and be above it at the same time.  This is a western Tantric magical practice.   Now there are those who identified and or worshipped the anti-hero gods, from myth, from philosophy, and or rebellion to the hypocritical order of the “so-called” good.  Here the LHP as a belief, and also, for those in the RHP, the controlling of demons, for magical  and or spiritual purposes, is a utilitarian practice.      The LHP  in the face of a conservative culture that marginalizes people, in spite of the taboos and laws of the elite of any culture, flourishes.

LHP, underworlds, darkness, relative badness are not necessarily evil.    There shaman and energy workers of various cultures that work with either side or both.    The nature and tendencies for LHP practitioners and the source of their beliefs and experiences may draw them toward antisocial behaviors against  adopted morales and ethics of their prevalent culture.  Some revel in the idea of evil, although they are not dedicated to the destruction of the universe for some being that wants a piece of the action.     They just want life and all that it has to offer for themselves.     Does this even make them bad?     Depending on the social circumstance, not necessarily.

Black Magic is the use of magic against people’s  or sentient beings will.  RHP and LHP both can be Black Magic.

I have met satanists that are fun loving people.   I have met Orthodox Theistic Satanists, and yes they are evil.    I lived with Bullies and Sociopaths, who are Evil.  They destroy lives, circumstances and anything decent, with no intent of anything beyond their own amusement.    This is Evil.  Fascists are evil.

I have met many people who are RHP or very moralistic, who are overweening, arrogant, sadistic evil individuals.   They end up supporting ossified social constructs that are destructive to life and the growth of people and society.

Most  who banter LHP and RHP, Light vs. Dark, Good and Evil, have no clue to the origins or the depths  of the meaning of each.       Conversation is necessary to tease out what people mean and where they are at.  And more so, people have to check their assumptions about everything so they can hear  what others are saying.   And instead of making assertions, ask questions where people are at and what they mean and why.  Failing that, it destroys life, relationship, understanding, it participates in the lies of all our given assumptions support.    That too is an evil.

Some of us have been in the battle with Evil, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.    When they fight for Life, Love and Truth,  understanding goes a long way, to create a better world.  Destroying the Destroyers becomes a sacred task.

 

Principles of Immortality

PEOPLE EMBRACING CHANGE

Mind, Body and Emotion in balance generates Spirit. Truth, Life, Love, in Harmony generates Integrity. Spirit and Integrity creates Soul. This is how we grow at all levels.

princimmortal

These are principles that I have espoused for well over a decade.

What does this all mean?  Let me put this in context of a quote and questions put forth by , Ted  Nation.

“‘Bind nothing!  Let there be no difference made among you between any one thing & any other thing; for thereby there cometh hurt.’ Liber AL 1:22   (Aleister Crowley)”

“How do you value your self?  How about others?  Is any man truly greater than another, or lesser?  Is it the choices we make that give us value?  Do we have value? How do you quantify that value?”

Let me start with the principles, expand on it and then apply it.

Most Yoga schools teach a triangle of mind, body and spirit.   And in it they teach detachment from ego and the world.     This a two dimensional approach.    Emotion enervates the body, creates state dependent behaviors, processes that harness the mind and the body to function and to action.    Actions may or may not create attachments to the world and to our own way of doing things.  Taking for granted  a set of behaviors, and beliefs and attachments to our selves  in a point of time.    Once done, we have rendered ourselves an artifact.  We are decaying as soon as we hold ourselves to a yardstick that which is also an artifact in time.    It is the relationship with others and other things.  Can we afford to disconnect ourselves from anything.  Can we afford to attach ourselves to anything.   It is the process of relationships to everything.

Take a diamond, without a gem cutter  it’s value is much less as a raw stone.    How much value is a gem cutter, when he can turn  raw stones into something of value.  The art of a gem cutter, how much value is that, when it can be spread to other gem cutters?     And who profits from all this?     And what of all the gem cutters, when there are no more gems to cut?           What are the gem’s relationship to the gem cutter or the art?    It is a dynamic, but a finite closed loop.   It may exist through time, and be valued amongst gem cutters and those who profit from them, but in the end, when there is no more.  And people value the gems more than any of the people ever  involved with them, down to the miners.   

Can the art of gem cutting be applied to other arts?  Can the disciplines applied  to that art be applied to other arts?  If so you have a living thing.  Not an artifact with a birth, life and death of a singular thing, process or dynamic, but a process that extends through time, and past artifact’s existences.    Processes useful to swim  amongst artifacts of time and existence.

The spirit or essence of a thing, is based on the balance of mind, body and emotion.   The better equal lengths of the base makes the area.  In balance, a volume of essence and spirit are created.      Spirit without a container, form or structure, dissolves back into its constituent parts, with its form and function an artifact in time.

Life by itself is into a relationship with only one thing, is an artifact.   Its value with other artifacts of existence lost in the dissolution and desolation of time and chaos.   Life without it, we have nothing.    Love, without it everything is meaningless.  Truth, the crucible by which all things are tested.  Judgment in the harshest or kindest degree, depends on our honest relationship with everything.   Life, Love and Truth in Harmony begets Integrity.  These three principles  must be in harmonious dynamic and equilibrium.      This is to say, One must have an absolutely honest relationship with everything, your self, the world and if not the whole Universe.   This generates Integrity, honesty with one’s self, the world and the Universe.    This is a relationship, a process, an art  of relationships, holding the truth of each sacred.   Would not the Universe, hold sacred the Truth of you?   

tetrahedron2This simple tetrahedron,  if  body, mind and emotion  is in balance creates spirit.  It is the essence the blue print, of the person, the processes, and relationships not only with itself but the whole world.                  The complex dynamic tetrahedron of Life, Love and Truth, creates Integrity.  It is the discipline of the process and honest relationship with itself and the world that keeps its structure intact.     Together   Integrity and Spirit makes the Soul.   

rotating_merkabah

How do you value your Self?  How honest are you? How much effort do you put into your own being and the creation and maintenance of your Soul?    If you are looking for a yard stick to measure yourself against,  the yardstick is an artifact in relationship to other artifacts.    The question is how does the World value you.  How does it hold you sacred, whether it knows it or not?     If your soul continues to have an honest relationship with the world, and holds the spirit and essence of all that truth, actions and processes,  how are you not immortal?

Is it the choices we make that give us value?  Yes and no.   A choice is not the action.    An action and  the honest relationship of all things, of that action is what makes the value.

Do we have value?  Again by what yardstick?     My family, work,  and community,  have I contributed to the arbitrary value of the yardstick of material goods to each?     Or, have I added to the essence and spirit of each to exist beyond its concept of self?   How can  unconscious things, places, people and entities value us, by what yardstick?     What is immortal about each, and what is an artifact of time giving form, substance and topology of the reality, and what is the process of it and  its relationship to all of its constituent parts?  

Quantify the yardstick and the ephemeral value of artifacts of existence.     What power and presence does it hold on us or give a platform and ocean of artifacts to swim in?   How well do we swim in it, or how well poorly we float like flotsam?  

All I can say to the idea of quantifying value, is how do you qualify it?    Am I  an artifact or an immortal process?  Am I an artifact forgotten for the new shiny, or do I have an honest relationship with the immortal Universe, and do we hold each other sacred?

As a man, “Is any man truly greater than another, or lesser?”, by the yardstick yes.   As that part of us that is an artifact of existence, no.     

Ronald Glasser’s  rules of power (some of them):

  •    ” All things are equal to another”.
  •    ” There are exceptions to every rule, including this one” (See above)  

This axiom is a spiritual teaching re-framed in many ways, to help develop detachment and equanimity  interacting with the world.  It is about having an honest relationship with everything.

The truth of each person and being  is exactly the same.   Our honest relationship with each does not have to be the same.

Paraphrased from “Fiddler on the Roof”:    “Rabbi, is there even a blessing for the Czar?”     “Yes, yes, there is a blessing for everything and every one.   May God bless the Czar, and keep him very, very, very far from us!”   

That is an honest relationship, with self, community and the world demonstrated right there.       An honest relationship with things that are bad for us is to keep them very, very far from us.  Bind the artifacts, not us to them.          

The Aleister Crowley quote is another re-framing of the Hindu Yoga teaching of detachment.   We are in a sea awash with a world of artifacts, and we interacting with them  we need not to be attached to them.   We only need to be honest with our interaction with them.    A yardstick is only good enough to paddle  through a sea of artifacts, no more no less.   And each class of artifacts yardsticks of every sort can be used and be useful.  Those values are an artifact of a class.  Our choice and action about those valuations depend on how we value our relationship to yourself and others.  

When we are immortal, we are part of the Universe, and it with us. There is no differentiation except our own attachment to our own soul.  Valued and held sacredly only as we have done so with the Universe.    And in that reflection of the universe we too are held, sacred and immortal.

sriyantra%20blue_resize

Sri Yantra of MahaKali or MahaDurga

The principles and schematic,  and its resemblance to the Merkabah or the Star of Metatron is no accident.   In each practice and concept  and contemplation of each of these principles in each plane can be its own genius.    Thereby not only are these principles of immortality, they too are principals of immortality owned by the soul housed within.  All  other concepts and usages of the Merkabah tradition, if true (many new age confabulations are not) should work well in concert with these principles.

Old videos of this lecture:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OYldcK0r8c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Skdj8nK9kDA

Safety Pin, Paper Clip, Power and Privilege

safety-pin-trump-brexit

If necessary in front of you.

And yes this may get me killed.

Or I could be a white privileged, slacktivist that only cares about personal guilt  about this cultural farce, that has been going deadly earnest.

Racism has been deadly since the beginning of this country.  From  slavery to  incarceration, whether it is about cheap labor, drug wars or simple hatred for people of color POC, or pure greed  with genocide and theft  of the lands of the Native Americans.

No matter what I do, I will always be suspect of privilege and have enjoyed some aspect of privilege.  I am  not female, a POC,  LGBT, or any other target of bigotry, or am I?   I am a white male, large and now middle aged.

The safety pin or paper clip had supposedly been used to identify resistance to Nazi Germany and support of Jews  or any other minorities oppressed by them.  In England and the US,  anti-immigration sentiments essentially insured millions died.    The Safety Pin instead of the Paper Clip in Britain is being used to support immigrants and muslims post the Brexit vote to leave the EU European Union.  Britain’s rise of conservatism has been hand in hand from Margaret Thatcher with Ronald Reagan and all their successors.

The USA incarcerated  120,000 Japanese, and the USA lost 420,000 men and women.

Putin’s interest in Trump as a fascist is simple.  Trump is an isolationist, as are other republicans and they will destabilize NATO.   Trump will gain more leverage in the EU.   Russia lost over 26 Million people to Nazi Germany and WWII.   Thirteen percent of the population gone.   They will have no problem convincing their public and the EU to take the USA to task and wipe us off the face of the map. States will exist in their state’s rights as a divided third world bombed out dystopian hells.

The Genocide of Native of Americans either directly or by disease over these centuries is horrible at a level that is unconscionable  and is still being exercised today. Corporation agents employed at various government agencies insure a sanctioned theft and abuse to this day.

The reasons why Trump got elected   is sadly due to a prosperity theology along with fundamentalist dogma in rural white America, people that have never been exposed to anyone beyond their narrow white world.  This has been used in politics and  extremely conservative religious right groups for over three decades, with an extreme  use of conservative propaganda.  They are racist and they don’t believe anyone else deserves human rights or dignity.

Over most of the last century the two party system was ostensibly bought and sold by the corporations and elite rich.    There was a while in the past 30 years  the elite were comfortable just purchasing one side,  the republicans, with a little support to be thrown to the democrats.    Hillary was an example of the old time  political cronyism and corruption bought and paid for by Wall Street.

People are sick of it all.   In the election Bernie and Trump were seen as getting rid of the status quo politics with the libertarian party waiting in the wings to take over the bought and paid for  position of the republicans as they disintegrate.  The powerful elite have plans with in plans and contingencies.

So, here we are.  Nazis Fascist America.    Either well meaning reactionaries who voted for Trump  Gaslight themselves or they are in part with most of the FOX news and republicans trying to Gaslight the rest of us saying they are not  Anti-LGBT, Misogynist, Racist, against Muslims, immigrants or any other minority.  If they deny it now, it is only from Sea Lioning , race baiting,  or a profound engrained  disassociative disorder that is psychotic.

There is only one set of winners this election, the rich and powerful that either directly or indirectly own the premium stock of of the largest corporations in the world.  Common stock has been made to be sucker’s game where we invest in it only to have them drain the value of it and rob us yet another way.   How the  powerful elite has institutionalized wage and debt slaves is another long article that I may  or may not write.   The fact is the south who fought to keep slavery  lost to the north that insured all immigrants  would be wage and debt slaves in a rigged system.  The support of the current Republican party, as a way for the south to rise again, has only enslaved  all the white people as well, but also to be the cracker enforcers,  of this power structure.    The midwest rural  people who fought to carve out land, stolen from the Native Americans, to develop their own wealth have lost it to banks.   This has been manipulated for the past 50 years with the Farm Bill Subsidizing small farms only to eventually get rid of the programs to bankrupt the farmers and have these properties and farming opportunities go to the large agribusinesses.  The Agriculture department, along with the Bureau of Indian Affairs,  Bureau of Land Management, Food Drug Administration, and Department of Natural Resources have been peopled, implanted with corporate agents of Agribusinesses (Monsanto, et al), Oil, Timber, Mining corporations, to insure the theft, or orderly acquisition,  is all legal and neatly tied up.       Now along with the Native Americans, Farmers and Ranchers are being affected also.    Yet the White Farmers and Ranchers want to blame minorities and the Government as outlined by the media, as a liberal black president.

Only now, as it is with the Emperor of the Star Wars, “Now your training to the dark side will be complete”.

The whole use of  exhortation and other apologetic rhetoric  styles, along with best neurolinguistics  used in media,  editorial talk shows and Fox news for 30 years have people programmed.    The use of Prosperity Gospel in the fundamentalist churches along with the Dominionist movements to turn the US into a theocracy, has created that perfect storm of belief, to ignore all truths and self awareness, seems to finish us off.

The power of monied resources,  propaganda, and religious  entrainment to belief  has turned  half of  America into useful tools.   Beyond the  obvious abusive sociopathology, they are in turn taught to blame everyone and everything else except themselves, creating narcissists that can’t and won’t ever deal with the truth of themselves.

We are all in a very bad place.  One thing I learned about narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths, they will not and can not change.     They only respond to pain and the power to execute pain, or the fear of pain of death.     The only cure is death.   They however believe that anybody who opposes them are not human and that is the first step of rendering us as targets.  As targets we are no longer human.  Conscience, common sense or basic human decency are not even in the picture and can’t be brought up to be questioned unless you too will be labeled as another non-human target.

The Safety Pin,  I have heard two arguments against it.   First,  Alt-Right people are or might use it to lure people into confrontations.   Anything that helps someone abuse it, misuse it and make people afraid of anything that may help them.    It furthers abusive isolationist strategies.  Second,  there are good intentioned white people who feel guilty they haven’t done anything of substance to help so they are showing  an outward symbol that in essence means not a damn thing.  What have your really done?   In essence most of them will say nothing, or conflate a bunch of BS that they can not see as being absolutely useless and inconsequential.

Many gave up on the idea.

I will use it as an opportunity to get to know me.  I have no guilt, I am more than simply aware that I might as well put a yellow star on me and say “Ich bin ein Juden!”     Don’t start a fight to test me.   Know me and need me,  I will be there.

So get to know me.

Beyond being an older white male, and there is privilege with that.   It ends there.

Anyone that claims they are an ally, get to know them.  Let them get to know you.  Being white is  a big hindrance to developing this trust.  Being male is another big hindrance.     Living as a male in Upstate New York and the NorthEast during the 70’s where radical feminism was in full flight, I was another damn patriarchal male.

Get to know me.

As an intellectual in an anti-intellectual america, I am a target.  I am not relatable.   I graduated out of Colonie Central High School, in 1975.  I was 16 years old.     The suburbs between Albany and Schenectady NY, was poor.   The working lower middle class and mobile poor lived in these post WWII and Post Korean War  Saltbox  Bungalows.  This is where the middle class losing ground met the up and coming out of the slums of the city.   My neighborhood although white, was the urban type of redneck, that was called the “Greasers, Motorheads and with a liberal sprinkling of Stoners”.   There was a sprinkling of the “Preppies” but mostly they were in the other school districts.

The principal  worked with the local authorities  to give bad recommendations about the students, even if they were well placed academically or financially to go to college.  They were highly recommended for the draft into the Vietnam War.  In 1974 many of these students who had  older brothers that died in Vietnam held a riot  at 100 days (till the end of school) with a smoke bomb  the size of a coffee can to evacuate the school.  They carried the principal’s car up to the top of a hill, upside down and trashed it.

My neighborhood, had two drug gangs separated by age.   We had  a whorehouse where the local girls from 12 – 17 worked it.   That business was shut down because they didn’t pay the rent of the house they rented. The lack of police,  the use of the locals,  and the lack of any common sense on the worth of what they were doing, speaks volumes of the dysfunction there.    At 14 years old I am walking down the street and I get stopped by the police and threatened with my life. Being polite, hands on my head and not moving may have saved me. The parents  protected their little monsters, and the police were way past fed up. The parents were abusive, manipulative, sociopaths.  If not they were alcoholics or addicted to valium or the gamut of legal drugs of the day. I was big so I was a challenge and a target, by police, parents and the gangs.

I went to church as a social outlet and to escape the dysfunctional home.    It was the only free time I got beyond being the good compliant daughter that mother wanted and never had.  I was the namesake of my Uncle Bill who she dearly loved and expected me to be an adult, do adult responsibilities with no authority, no support and to be treated as a complete idiot child.   Psychotic double bind there.  I was  the obstacle to her career.  I was unwanted and nothing I ever did would ever be good enough.  She had a long term affair with a married man, who was probably the best influence in my life, while he was a political hack that insured my brother knew how to verbally manipulate people as one of the best classed sociopaths I know of.  I was “shark baited” to my mother constantly, for a string of verbal and physical abuse, for  and by him and my mom both.  Church was where all the hypocritical kids went to, to get their free love, sex, and partying while God and Jesus forgave them.  I was pondering the insanity of life, why God put me where I was feeling like a complete alien.  I was in The  Twilight Zone where an individual was put on display with creatures that were clearly not like him, but look liked them as a scientific study.  When you read the bible through and start asking questions,  now I become a target  by those who just want me to believe.

If you are empathic, telepathic sometimes and have experienced a bunch of paranormal experiences, fundamentalist churches are not your friends.

Without the finances and falling through all the social programs and into the cracks of society, “so-called” easy student money  for the late 70’s didn’t exist for me.    A simple 1040 form from a parent starts the whole financial  world of being a student, even being poor. Had I stole the form as my brother did, or declared emancipation from my mother that could’ve changed things for me.  I had no one who would throw me that clue. The counselors at the school were there for a paycheck and viewed all the kids as hoodlums or worse.   I asked for help or for someone to talk to my mother.  I was told to go away, or they would call security and the police.  And, don’t bother them again.

I was beat up every other day for several years until I turned 12.   I  grew to be 5’10” tall 180 lbs., took up wrestling in school and studied martial arts on my own.   After a few last fights with gangs and their leaders,  I was left alone.   Except once where a local goon was attempting to go back to school, but mostly it was to intimidate me.   I was blessed with a bunch of kids jumping on the guy who 4-6 inches taller and outweighed me by another 100 lbs. and probably  19 yo when I was 15.  I was ready to go to jail and do my best to kill him in school. This goon went straight after me with out all the highschool drama.  It was serious business to him.   I knew nothing less and I would be hounded day in day out, eventually have a whole gang of bigger monsters in the older gang, that were more violent.

I worked odd jobs,  painting, mowing, raking leaves, fixing plumbing.  What allowance I had was taken away from me, and I bought my own clothes, gym clothes, school books and if I wanted, my own school lunches.  I was a target for the scam artists and thieves  from the school, neighborhood kids and the adults.  I learned the deep nuanced skills of  sociopaths,  psychopaths  and this social pathological way of dysfunctional thinking.

Needless to say trying to go to college in 1975, with no money, parental support, or not being a ward of the state,  although I was courted by some of the best schools in the nation, including RPI, Stanford, etc.  those administrative hurdles might have been the Grand Canyon, ask me to jump it with a kite.  I was given the ultimatum to work and pay rent,  go to college or go into the service.   There was glut of 18 year olds, and the jobs wanted 2 years experience even for McDonald’s and Burger King, preferably with degrees in business.    17+ colleges in a very small population for the Tri-City Area, made getting a job Impossible.

Two days after my 17th birthday, I joined the Marines with  someone I knew in Scouts.   He bailed in boot camp.  Believe it or not Bootcamp was better than my home life.  Marine Corp Boot camp, better than my home life. 1975-79 was directly after the Vietnam War, and still being spit on and named a “baby killer”, did nothing for me socially.   I was manipulated and got involved, unknown to me, with  a DC prostitute that was recently freed from prison, to use me to get her kids back.   A whole new level of sociopath to learn and survive from.   Before I met this  woman I was in Camp Barret  OCS Field training school for Midshipmen freshly minted lieutenants.  I was coming home on the camp bus from the Main Base’s Enlisted Mans Club.   I was enjoying the one privilege of being an underage serviceman, to enjoy drinking alcohol.   On that bus I was the only white man.   I was stomped on for over a half an hour while the bus driver pulled over to allow my fellow marines to continue beating on me and  to stomp on me more.  I am made of stern stuff.  I wasn’t hurt bad. They got to the camp and I went to the on-duty Sergeant of the guard, while this one big dude was still beating on me, I asked for assistance.    Three weeks later  I got pulled up in front of the camp’s CO for an inquiry of me being a racist, saying I used the word “jigaboo”.     I never heard the word before in my life.   I did call them chicken, because they wouldn’t let me up to fight them. I asked for the Provost Marshall  ” a defending attorney in the military justice system” .     I was being set up to be a scape goat.  What I found out was that 6 months before I got to the base there was a race riot.  Six months before that 3 fellow Marines were shot dead because they were black and an opportunity of a target by what appeared to be another marine driving on to base and shooting them with a shot gun.

I  did not choose to hate women.  I did not choose to hate black people.  I chose to understand.

In these intervening years I was stuck with a worthless GI Bill that could not help afford a college that was meant to educate someone.  Community colleges were looked at by professors as an extension of high schools by privileged brats.   What I was, was apparently worse.  I have suffered more outright hate, abuse, and dirty under handed dealings by white people,   banks, landlords, bosses, you name it.

I worked as a typist for a college where I was one of 3 men of an office of over 70 women.    I was not male enough because of the job.  I wasn’t  a person of respect because I was part of the evil patriarchy.  No matter how hard I worked I wasn’t good enough for even as an employee for most of them.  I don’t hate women.   I learned office politics, and the reality of NY clique behaviors and how pathological they are.  If you don’t fit in any one of them, you will never get a chance to  migrate in the ageist, cliquish extremely small jingoistic groups that existed in the Tri-City area.

I got  to work for the State of NY.    Their affirmative action was in full swing and whatever you scored on your civil service tests even a 102, 2 points added as a veteran, would not get you a job or promotion.    I learned about nepotism, grooming of favorites and the low  brow cliquish  good ole boys or girls clubs, and was always put on the outside.  I watched people as they lost their retirements from NAFTA agreements and treaties sending their mill town jobs from the Mohawk and Hudson River companies overseas.   They hated minorities,  not the corporations.  They hated foreigners and not the politics that played them.  I watched  Carter be set up by the CIA Director to have the American students in  Iran rescue be sabotaged.  I watched  the tax reforms advantage the rich and  the “invest in America” of Bush Sr. to have his son execute fleece  all of America by crashing the stock market as people tried to have anything to retire with 16 years later.

All of what I said was true, and was forgotten and it came to pass, and being solidly ignored because I am young, not positioned in society correctly, no degree, no support, with a only a couple of weird friends, only to be constantly dismissed, abused and used by women, employers, bosses, and acquaintances pretending to be friends.

And still I am privileged, as a white male.  Were I  female, minority or gay, it would have been much much harder.  At the same time my social education was excellent.  Because I learned from it, searched for the answers out of love and not hate.  I want to help and fix this mess, and I needed to understand it.

I am 58 years old.   I have tried to donate to Equal Rights,  Planned Parenthood,  and other organizations.   Unfortunately I watched as these organizations put up people for a vote that had no common sense and common ground beyond the one issues.

My family  supported the Liberal party.   My Grandfather helped with the Worker’s party.   Railroad workers were worked around the clock and dying at the switch and controls for train engines and Eugene Debs was trying to keep girls from being chained into sweatshops and dying from fires if they were allowed to use fire escapes.  It was being infiltrated by the  Communists and he helped with Socialist party which became infected with Communists, and  helped break it.   He helped with the creation of the Liberal party that was pro-union and very anti-communist. They worked for the 12 hour a day manifesto.  This got the Railroad socialized by the government for the planned war for WWI.  Post WWII  they worked for the 8 hour day as we know it.

My grandfather, father and older brother went down south to help sign up black voters, and push for the Equal Rights Amendment.  The family pushed for issues so that they would be dealt with by whoever won the elections. They each ran for various elected offices and failed.

My great grandfather and his brother fought for the Union in the Civil war.  And to the anger of the Confederate Sons,  they were part of Sherman’s scorch and burn campaign.

This is not enough to cover the sins of our family.  My great great grand aunt took the slaves our family had south and sold them. This is after NY outlawed slavery.

I have stood up for women, minorities, the handicapped,  the mentally disabled, and the LGBT people,  for the financial freedom  and liberties we all as human beings deserve.

I found that nothing short of  a bullet will cure these narcissistic sociopaths that are parasites or enablers of parasites in our country.

I am working with a core group of friends to create a church, a tribe, that focuses on leadership, community values, and supporting family and diversity.     We can garner absolutely no interest whatsoever.   We need leaders, healers, and skilled people to build a new society.   We need groups of people to help heal and build the society when it all blows up and goes to hell in a handbasket.   Like anything, it seems likely I am destined only to clean up the messes that others have left behind and be abused for it, not to be trusted to help make any of it better, to prepare for anything better.

I am 58 years old, fell into the cracks of society, and eke along.  I need to get my last two kids into college or work.  They are good kids.  That may be the only successful thing I have ever done.  Their mom helped.  I am watching me being shuffled out of work and out of skills to work here in the near future.  I have no success, no retirement, bills and nothing of value except for some books.

I don’t care if you don’t believe me.  I don’t care if you think I am one of the damned oppressive white patriarchy.  I don’t care if you hate me.

I will stand up for you.  I will stand in front of you and if need be take a bullet or the abuse.   I have gotten pretty used to doing that.  If the safety pin  is like a gold star and  be considered SJW “Social Justice Warrior” and I get shot by one of the Alt-Right, so be it.  If it keeps you safe and gives you time to flee, so be it.   If you want me to obstruct traffic, no.  That will be on you.  That is your choice to do that.   I understand why that may be something to do. I believe in public safety. I don’t believe in giving any of these rat bastard Nazis an excuse to mow people down. I  will be armed,  I will fight back.

Our country has taken a significant step to becoming a Fascist corporate Oligarchy.  The rich will be out of the country hiding all the ill gotten gains through this while our country kills each other.  I can’t afford to escape.  I can’t afford to leave.  There are good people in this country. If I can be part of the resistance against a Nazi America, so be it.

Know this:

  • I will be going dark about all these things and beliefs on Facebook.  Facebook is owned by conservative right people.
  • I will start deleting my old posts and hiding them from the public and eventually my friends.
  • There are conservative acquaintances that have acted in accordance with the abusive narcissistic parasitic behaviors  they have been programmed with. When they come with guns and brown shirts, I will be pointed at.
  • If you question if I will support you, do question me and others.  You can not be too  careful.
  • It will be getting worse.
  • When it does, I will do what a fat old man can, and it will be much worse than obstructing traffic.
  • I would rather be in a place to create a better world, better people, and be there to put a world back together that is worth living.  Like any other hoped for dreams, that too will likely be destroyed.
  • I will pray for a better world.  I will do magic.  I will struggle mind, body, spirit and soul, to make things right.
  • or die trying.

I must be satisfied with love I have received for being who I am.

I want to finish a book on magic.   The wage slave I am I must study to be accredited for something that will keep me employed.

If not that then.  If the Gods deny me, they can’t destroy me.   I have survived, this scouring chaos of existence.  I have integrity.  I will struggle to keep my last scrap of dignity and yours.

This is dark, this is pessimistic, but not negative.    I cannot help what the pragmatic reality actually is.  I pray for our country and all good people to survive.  I have faith there are good people out there and they are worth preserving.

Let me know you are trying too.  We need allies, friends, and witnesses if it is our last breath.

If we fall into the abyss, I will hold onto my light and pray you find a way out.